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Finding Finnwich/Script
Lee: "I got a year of detention for the biggest prank in high school history. But I didn't do it. So I sneak out every day to try to find out who did. My investigation brought me all the way back to my tenth birthday party." picture of the party is brought up on Lee's computer. "That was where my best buddy Cam was first hypnotized. And someone told somebody about it, 'cause the same hypnotizing trigger words turned him into an accomplice to the prank." of Cam helping with the prank appear. "So who used Cam? And who set me up? All signs point to Radcircles. But I've got his cell phone." cell phone is shown. "And all the answers I'm looking for could finally be mine. I just need to crack the password." tenth birthday party is shown again. "Plus, there's still one person unaccounted for from the party: the hypnotist! The Amazing Finnwich." ---- Detentionaire ---- 8:58:16 PM Lee: "Usually, I'm trying to get back to detention before I get busted. But tonight, I got a whole new deadline. I was supposed to have the night off, but instead..." is at an amusement park with Cam. Currently, they are on a rollercoaster. Lee: "It's a trap!" figures wearing red hoods and masks are chasing them. Camillio: "We gots to get off, bro, like now!" Lee's Inner Monologue: And if that wasn't enough... Park Announcer: "Lee Ping, you have thirty-four minutes left." Lee's Inner Monologue: Even if I survive, I'm gonna need a night off, from my night off. ---- Earlier that day...3:10 PM is testing passwords on the phone as he walks down the hall. Lee: "One five six seven...one five six eight...aah! There's thousands of possible combos! This could take forever!" walks up to his friends. Camillio: "Dude, whaddup? You're like totally blacklisted or something ese." Lee: his eyes "Gee, I wonder why." Camillio: "Dude everyone thinks you tried to set up an eleven year old." Holger: whispering "No for worry! Holger is liking you!" Lee: "Yeah thanks buddy. But guys. This!" points to the phone. "It's Radcircles' phone! If I can crack it, I can figure this whole thing out. Then it won't matter who likes me and who doesn't, 'cause I'll be out of detention!" Camillio: "Yo, ese. You gotta have some Lee time! Do you even know like, what day it is?" Holger: "Oh, oh! Saint Rhubarb's Goatherding Day of Yogurt-Eating?" Camillio: "Uh, yyyyeah, sure, that, and hello! It's also the last Thursday of the mo-onth!" Lee: "Closing night at the fair?!?" Camillio: "Tradition, yo! We haven't missed one since we were little eses, ese!" Lee: "I know. But, ugh, I'm grounded. I'll never be able to go. Oh, plus, I'm gonna be late for detention! Shoot, gotta jet." sprints away. Holger: clapping "Holger excited! First time go to fair. If anything like fair at home, Holger will win Fish Hoven of Doom!" ---- makes it into detention before Barrage can open the door and yell at him–which the principal does anyway. Principal General Barrage: yelling "Framing a little girl for your disgusting shenanigans? Starving hyenas have more integrity!" cell phone rings, and he answers. "Go!" the answer "Tonight? Hmm. Gotta keep all the parts from getting loopty-loo. Affirmative! Twenty hundred. I'll be there." hangs up and leaves the room. Biffy: "That was weird. He was so frazzled, he forgot to call us maggots." Principal General Barrage: the hallway "MAGGOTS!" Biffy: "So, if you were a girl, ahem I mean my mom, uh which would you like better this, or this?" holds up two different hats. Lee: "The pink one. I guess. I like the poodle better than the cat." cat awakens for long enough to meow at Lee insultedly. Biffy: "Well that's two against one. So, any luck with Rad's phone?" Lee: it up "Does it look like it?" Biffy: "Dude. Give it to the master." takes the phone. "I'll have this thing hacked in a jiffy." ---- the time evening rolls around, Biffy still hasn't unlocked the phone. He is on a video chat with Lee. Lee: "So. How long exactly is a jiffy?" Biffy: "Hey! This is hard stuff, okay? Plus, I...gotta jet bye." ends the chat. Lee: an empty screen "What? Wait! You have the phone! What am I supposed to do now?" sarcastically "Great. Sure. I'll just sit here doing nothing while everyone else–" sadly "–has a great time." Mr. Ping: on Lee's door "Knock knock." parents enter. Lee: "Hey guys." Mr. Ping: "We have good news!" Mrs. Ping: "Your father and I, mostly him, have decided it would be nice to do something as a family. Instead of you always being grounded." Mr. Ping: "So, we got tickets for the last day of the fall fair!" Mrs. Ping: "I wanted to tell him that part!" Lee: "Whaaa? I'm not grounded? Awesome!" Mrs. Ping: "Don't forget to bring a sweater." parents leave. Another video chat opens on Lee's computer. Radcircles: "Knock knock." Lee: "Oh hi, Radcircles. How's life without a phone?" Mr. Ping: his head back in "C'mon buddy, let's go. We have another big surprise for you!" Lee: "Another surprise? Tonight rocks! You know what, no conspiracies tonight." gets up. Radcircles: "You're supposed to say who's–" throws a sweater over the computer. "Hello! Trying to be evil here!" leaves. ---- fair is bustling with people, including Jenny, Deuce, and Biffy. Camillio: "Dude!" ducks behind a stand. Cam is looking at his phone. "Ping scored a get out of jail card somehow! He's totally coming, man!" Holger: "Whee-hee-hee! Oh, Lee make fair maybe more fun! Like ze first ride, ja? So fun!" Camillio: "Uh, that was a turnstile gate, bro. Look over there, that's a ride!" is pointing at a large rollercoaster. Holger: confused "Oh. So, is point of rides to not die?" Camillio: confused "Uh, I guess, technically." Holger: "Zen zat is what Holger will do!" chanting "Not die not die not die!" and Holger walk away from the stand Biffy is hiding behind. He takes a sip of his drink as a shadow approaches him from behind. Kimmie: "So." Biffy: "AAAAAHHH!" Kimmie: "Sorry I'm late for our–" finger quotes "–date." Biffy: "Date? Uh-uh-we're not on a date." Kimmie: "OMG I know that! Hello? That's why I used–" finger quotes "–mini-quotes?" Biffy: "Good. So we both agree we're not on a date. It's a–" finger quotes "–date. Gotcha." Kimmie: "And any mini-quote event with me means no majorly out-of-fashion hats." notices the hat Biffy brought for her. "What's that?" Biffy: "Uh, it's this cool–" throws the hat over his shoulder. "Ahem. Here!" pulls a pretzel from his vest. Kimmie: unimpressed "A pretzel? From your pocket?" sarcastically "So romantic." throws the pretzel away. "Hello, are you coming or what?" ---- father is holding his hands over his son's eyes as they walk through the fair. Lee: "Dad, uh, can I look now? I'm afraid I'm gonna step in dog poo again." Mrs. Ping: "Don't ruin your shoes. I just bought them." Mr. Ping: laughing "Okay, we're here!" Ping removes his hands. Lee's vision swims as a sign comes into view. Lee: breathless "What? The Amazing Finnwich?" Mr. Ping: "Come on son, we don't want to miss a second of this. It's gonna be great!" family gets into line. Lee notices a familiar figure at the front of the line. Lee's Inner Monologue: What? Finnwich, now Barrage? Okay, this is getting seriously weirdsville. ''What is going on?'' ---- Lee's family gains access to the show. Lee: "I can't believe you found The Amazing Finnwich!" Mr. Ping: "Hey, I remembered how much you loved his show at your tenth birthday! When I found out he was performing..." Lee: "But, I, looked online! It was like he had never existed. I don't get–" Mrs. Ping: waving "Yoo-hoo! Principal Barrage!" taps out a message on his phone. Suddenly, smoke appears onstage, and a gnarled wooden cane begins to float in the center of the stage. It begins spinning, going faster and faster, spreading the smoke out into an impenetrable fog until the smoke suddenly clears, and the hypnotist appears onstage. The room applauds. ---- and Holger are at the concessions stand. Holger is staring at a corn dog suspiciously. Holger: "Hmm. What part of dog is corn?" Camillio: "No more weirdo questions m'kay? Try to go with the flow bro." phone beeps. "Hey, message from Lee." it "Finnwich? Here? For reals? We gotta roll, homie!" drags Holger and hightails it out of there, paying no heed when Holger drops his food. Holger: distraught "No-ho-ho-ho! Dog of corn!" ---- The Amazing Finnwich: onstage "Ladies and gentlemen, if I may? I most certainly appreciate you all, braving such imposing weather tonight. They say, it could rain!" thunderclap is heard. "Thankfully, I come prepared." hypnotist tosses an umbrella over his head. It opens and hangs in midair as a raincloud inside of the tent begins pouring rain down on it. The audience applauds. "Your applause is most kind. Although I'm amazed you can master the ability to clap, since your hands, are all encased, in ice!" audience gasps as the effect takes hold. Mr. Ping: "Amazing, it's true! I cannot move 'em! This guy's amazing!" Lee: clapping "Shuh. Seems easy enough to me." magician's eyebrows narrow, but he breaks the spell. The tent breaks into applause. Mr. Ping: "Yes!" laughs. The Amazing Finnwich: "If you will, please rise!" in the tent tries to stand up and finds themselves incapable–except for Lee, who does so with ease. Mrs. Ping: her son down "Sit down! You're ruining the fun." The Amazing Finnwich: "Many times the question has been queried, how did I acquire such fantastical powers? Am I...an alien?" hypnotist exhales a plume of smoke. It turns into a stereotypical alien figure, which then flies through the crowd. Crowd: robotically "No, you are not an alien." Lee: "What the–" The Amazing Finnwich: "The truth is, one otherwise unremarkable day, while trudging through Prussia, I met a nomadic vagabond." waft of smoke rises up, and when it clears, a figure in a red cloak and mask can be seen. "And he, passed on a secret. One look into the old wise man's eyes, and I was transfixed." cloaked figure begins floating. "Instantly, I saw all that had been, all that would become." spots his friends at the entrance to the tent. Holger: waving "Hi!" The Amazing Finnwich: noticing them "From that day forward, I have travelled the world, from Zanzibar to Chowmandu! No one can resist, my. Awesome. Power." crowd awakens from its stupor and cheers The Amazing Finnwich. The Amazing Finnwich: "Now, I'll need two volunteers." Camillio: waving "Oh! Oh me! Yo! Over here!" approaches the stage. "Hey! Pick me bro! YOOO!" Holger: applauding "Woo! Pick Cam, Mister Amazing Sandwich!" The Amazing Finnwich: around and chuckling "No volunteers? Very well." Cam "I jest. Come on up son. Uh, this'll help you overcome your shyness." gets onstage. "Alright, who else? Come on, brave souls. Who'll it be?" Mr. Ping: "Over here! Pick my son!" up Lee's hand "C'mon, raise your hand, Lee!" Lee: "What? No! Are you crazy?" Principal General Barrage: at Lee "Stop being such a Missy Mary-Don't-Dance, and get up onstage, soldier!" Lee: sighing "Guh." gets up and heads for the stage. Camillio: to Lee "Dude, I can get him to fix me. Say goodbye to your monkey pal and his monkey ways." normally "Yo, Mister Magic Superpowers Guy, uh I need you to like uh reverse some of your early handiwork m'kay?" The Amazing Finnwich: "What's that? You and your friend want to become chickens? Well, why didn't you say so!" Camillio: "What? No! No man no animals! Ah no!" hypnotist casts his spell, and Cam starts acting like a chicken. The audience applauds. Audience Member: "Wait! What about the other kid?" The Amazing Finnwich: "Ah! He thinks he can resist. Perhaps Gallus Gallus Domesticus doesn't suit you. Then be...a monkey!" hypnotist smiles. Cam begins to act like a monkey, but Lee is unaffected. Other Audience Member: "Hey hey, what, what gives?" Confused Audience Member: "What's happening?" The Amazing Finnwich: "This boy's constitution is strong. But the power of The Amazing Finnwich, is stronger!" hooded figure gets to work at a player piano. Lee: the tune "Wait. Isn't that–the prank song?" Amazing Finnwich makes several odd movements and then signals to Lee. Lee just sits there, unimpressed. The Amazing Finnwich: shaken "B-but it's impossible! Unless–oh." quavering "Mannifestum." Lee: "Manniwhat now?" The Amazing Finnwich: scared "This show is over." hypnotist claps his hands, throws a smoke bomb, and disappears. Camillio: up "Huh?" Crowd: "BOOOO!" files out of the tent. Lee's parents walk up to the stage. Mr. Ping: "Ooh, kinda ended the show early, kiddo. Couldn't you have at least just faked it a little?" Lee: "Mom, uh, Dad, any way I could please have some free time to hang with my friends? It's really important." mother and father confer in a hurried conference of whispers. Mrs. Ping: "One hour. Is your chance to prove you can be trusted. But no getting into trouble!" a stopwatch "Be back by nine thirty-two exactly. Wait, wait...okay go!" Mr. Ping: "Don't blow this one buddy." and his two best friends take off. They creep around to the back of the tent and sneak in underneath the edges. Once inside, they find themselves backstage for Finnwich's show. Camillio: "Um–" Lee: a hand over Cam's mouth "Ssh!" whispering "What's he up to?" Holger: whispering "Making amazing sandwiches?" The Amazing Finnwich: silhouette "Hold still, y-you'll feel a pinch." plugs a wire into a silhouette of Barrage. "Perfection. Now, let us see what–" clatter of something falling catches his attention. He pulls the curtain aside and sees Holger, who has just fallen into some of the hypnotist's things. Holger: "Whoopsies! Oh, Holger's bad. Sorry!" The Amazing Finnwich: Lee "You? Mannifestum! I hoped this day would never come." Camillio: "Uh, dude? Alls we want is you to like, unmessify my head pronto, ohnkay?" The Amazing Finnwich: "Silence, fool! Mannifestum, you'll soon see I won't be taken down so easily. Not while there's still diesel in these old pistons!" rolls up his sleeve, revealing his arm is mechanical. The arm spews smoke, and the man disappears. Lee: pointing "There!" tent flap is fluttering shut. Lee and Holger give chase. Camillio: "Huh?" principal has been hooked up to, among other things, a television. His visual memories begin to play. Lee: Cam "He's getting away, come on!" three friends hurry out into the fair. Unfortunately, the mechanical man is nowhere to be found. Camillio: "Aw man, we lost him!" Park Announcer: "Attention carnivalgoers, I have a friendly reminder to Lee Ping from his mom. Forty-nine more minutes." Lee: the bridge of his nose "I'm starting to wish I was grounded." Camillio: an idea "Yo dude, Ferris wheel. From up high, we can survey the whoooole enchilada." Holger: happy "Oh, Holger be Lee and Cam's I-spy, with a gootenhaffy chai in zhe sky!" Camillio: Holger runs off "Yeah yeah go for it, ese, I–sky–spy. Go go!" Kimmie has dragged Biffy into the Ferris wheel. Biffy: "Ugh, seriously, this ride sucks. We should be on the Double Dip, or the Zero-G Coaster!" Kimmie: "Whatever, works for me. Up high, chilling out, just the two of us?" Holger: "Greetings, normal citizens!" enters the carriage. "I am for ze official policing business, ja?" Kimmie: "No, you're Holger. And this cart is taken." door slams shut behind Holger. It seems the carriage will contain three, not two. Holger: the ride begins moving "Oh yippie! Holger's first real ride! Woohoo! Okay friends, don't die!" chanting "Don't die, don't die!" Kimmie: annoyed "I'm kinda hoping someone does." Holger: his phone as he spots Finnwich "Jorf Borf I spies The Amazing Sandwich! He is by big tent!" Lee: him "Got 'im. Thanks Holg! Keep up the good work!" and Cam run towards the hypnotist. He spots them and begins running away. The Amazing Finnwich: "Ah ha!" pours on a burst of speed. Camillio: shocked "Look at that geezer go! Slow down, Speedy G!" Amazing Finnwich runs into a staff-only room on the rollercoaster. He boards the first car. Lee: him "Ssh." whispering "Sneaky." and Cam choose a car further back in the line. Lee: whispering "Soon as the ride ends, we got him!" Camillio: "And I'll be rid of my monkey brains!" ride starts. However, as soon as it gets a few feet off the ground, Finnwich pushes up his safety bar and uses a boost from his legs to jump far away and onto a ladder on the side of the ride. The Amazing Finnwich: laughing "So, Mannifestum, maybe the prophecy was wrong, and it is I, who ends you." figures wearing masks and red cloaks appear in a car behind Lee and Cam. Lee: "It's a trap!" of the figures jumps forward towards them. Lee and Cam gasp. ---- figure closest to Lee and Cam tears off the front of a car and takes a swipe at Cam's head. Camillio: ducking "Hey!" Lee: backwards "Look! A ladder!" of the cloaked figures tears off a safety bar and swings it at Lee and Cam. It clangs off of the car, and they scream. When Lee and Cam feel that they're close enough to reach the ladder, they leap for it but miss. Fortunately, Cam is able to grab onto a bar on the coaster's main structure, halting his fall, and Lee is able to grab onto Cam's right leg. Camillio: relieved "Ah, we're unkay. We're alive. We're–" looks down. "OH NO I TOTALLY FORGOT I'M LIKE AFRAID OF HEIGHTS MAN!" Lee: "Cam! Hang in there buddy!" looks down. "AAAH!" ---- is still on the Ferris wheel with Kimmie and Biffy. Holger: "So. Ferris friends. Is this–" giggles. "Date?" Biffy: shocked "What?" Kimmie: laughing "As if!" Biffy: "Wait, why is that so funny?" the Ferris wheel grinds to a halt. Holger: "Oh, vheel go stop." gleeful "Is this part of the ride? We are so high and scary!" Park Announcer: "Sorry folks. Technical problem. We should have it resolved in about–oh, I don't know, an hour or two tops?" Holger: happy "Ooh-hoo-hoo! Yay! Oh, more best time with my new best friends." ---- Cam's grip is loosening. Camillio: "Ugh. Dude, seriously bro! I can't, I'm–ugh." Lee: resigned "Okay. Gotta do it. Sorry pal. Butterscotch!" begins acting like a monkey. He grabs Lee, pulls himself onto the top of the bar from which they're hanging, and then leaps onto a ladder. They slide down to solid ground. Lee: "Whoa! I can't believe that worked. Queen of hearts!" snaps out of his trance. Camillio: around "Um, why're you riding my back like a monkey, dude? And how did we get down here weren't we–" truth hits him. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me yo!" Lee: "Trust me, it was for a really good cause this time." groans. Meanwhile, Lee places a call. "Holger? We need a Finnwich sighting, stat." Holger: whispering "Okay! Jorf Borf I spy!" Biffy and Kimmie "Okay. We play I Spy With Our Gootenhaffy Chai now, ja? Look for Ze Amazing Sandwich. He sound like this and move like this." the hypnotist "Boot! Boot! Ch-ch-chi! Boot! Ya." Kimmie: "Or, how about we play something else instead." out her phone "Like this." Holger: "Ja, okay, Holger like ze games." Kimmie: "It'll tell you who you like." Biffy: "What if I don't like anybody?" Kimmie: "Fine, Biffy, you don't have to play. Holger, gimme four girls' names." Holger: "Uh, Greta, Greta, Greta, and oh, Greta!" Kimmie: "That's not how it works. How about Greta, Beth, Nadine, and Lunch Lady." Holger: happy "Lunch Lady? Wow, Holger is ze ladies' man, no?" ---- and Cam are looking for the hypnotist. Lee: "Ugh, this is pointless! What's Holger doing up there?" Park Announcer: "Lee Ping. Fifteen minutes." Lee: "Guh." Principal General Barrage: the distance "Told you he was trouble!" approaches the sound. "You didn't listen. Did you." general is engaged in conversation with the hypnotist. Soon, they finish talking and head in opposite directions. Lee: "C'mon. Forget about Barrage. We gotta follow Finnwich." and Cam head out after The Amazing Finnwich. ---- is getting his answers from Kimmie's app. Kimmie: "You're gonna marry the lunch lady, become a monkey trainer, and have a thousand kids." Holger: scared "No! Monkey trainer? Marriage? One thousand? This is most terrible of news! Maybe–maybe–Biffy marry Lunch Lady!" Biffy: "Nah. Biffy doesn't like anybody, remember?" looks at him. "Ugh. Well, maybe somebody." Kimmie: "Hmm. I might like somebody, but that somebody would have to say it first." Biffy: "Nope." ---- and Cam spot Finnwich sneaking into his tent. The Amazing Finnwich: up his things "Mannifestum thinks he can get me? He'll have to find me first!" picks up a mirror and spots Lee and Cam. "Aha! Two against one! Well, feast your eyes on this!" does a dance. "You are a marble statue!" goes into a trance and falls over, completely unable to move. Lee: shocked "What did you do to him?" The Amazing Finnwich: "Mannifestum can't defeat me!" limbs of The Amazing Finnwich extend, making the man grow twice as tall. He then uses his spring-loaded arms to attempt and grabs Lee. Lee: dodging "Whoa! Hey! Hey hey chill! Whoa, c'mon!" The Amazing Finnwich: "I may be antiquated, but my steam parts more than make up for it." Lee: behind a wooden support beam "Gah!" The Amazing Finnwich: "Remain stationary, you fiend!" man's hand smashes into the beam, breaking it. The wooden pillar topples onto the hypnotist, and he struggles to hold it off with both of his arms. The Amazing Finnwich: "Oh! No!" left leg breaks. Lee: "Look out!" pushes the hypnotist out of the way of the beam. The Amazing Finnwich: "Blast. Curses. The prophecy was right. Mannifestum has won!" Lee: annoyed "Okay seriously, what is a mannifestum?" The Amazing Finnwich: "A one who cannot be hypnotized. The Grand Mannifestum! You!" Lee: his eyes "I know I'm pretty cool and all, but, grand? And what prophecy?" The Amazing Finnwich: "The wandering vagabond." remembers what happened. "I hypnotized his dog into thinking it was a chicken. But I forgot to unhypnotize it, and a fox got it. I've always been forgetful that way. His curse was to grant me powers beyond my wildest dreams. With a hefty price. Meeting Mannifestum, would be the end." Lee: "Hey, I'm not gonna end anything. I just have questions. About a party." hauls himself up and runs over to the duo. Camillio: "Homes! You gotta un-monkey me!" Lee: "Yeah, you kinda turned him into a monkey at my tenth birthday." holds up the picture of the party. "The trigger word is–" covers his ears, and Lee whispers the word to Finnwich. The Amazing Finnwich: "Oh, that's Hypnosis 101. I forgot to lift it?" himself "So forgetful." normally "It's a simple spell. Anyone can learn it. To reverse it, it's the trigger word backwards. Hctocsrettub!" enters a daze. Lee: "Whoa, that was butterscotch backwards?" realizing what he said, Lee clamps his hand over his mouth. However, Cam is unaffected. Camillio: "No worries, bro! It worked. No more bananas for this hombre!" The Amazing Finnwich: at the birthday picture "Ah, I've seen this photo before." Lee: "You have? Where?" The Amazing Finnwich: up a scrapbook "Here! Your birthday made the papers. Thanks to my appearance." Lee: "Cool! So, you wouldn't happen to know Radcircles, wouldja? Did you tell him about butterscotch?" The Amazing Finnwich: "Never heard of him. But it's all in the article." Park Announcer: "Lee Ping, one minute warning." Lee: "Aw man! Okay quick, one last question. What about Barrage? How come you guys–" Camillio: Lee "Dude, we're outta time!" Lee: "What's your email? Maybe I can–" hypnotist lifts his arms and disappears in a puff of smoke. Shortly thereafter his leg performs the same disappearing act. Camillio: "That dude sure knows how to make an exit." Park Announcer: "Twenty seconds!" Lee: "Oh, let's go." and Cam begin sprinting. Lee's parents are waiting for them as the last few seconds tick down. Mrs. Ping: at her stopwatch "Five. Four. Three. Two–" runs up. Lee: "Oh! Hey guys. What's up? Wow, look at the time! A second and a half to spare!" Mr. Ping: "So really, he's early!" Ping looks at her husband with an unamused expression on her face. ---- that night, Lee walks into his darkened room. Lee: "Thanks for the night off, Mom and Dad! That was fun." Mrs. Ping: "You're welcome." removes his sweater from his computer monitor. Radcircles is still there, although by now Lee's tormentor has fallen asleep from boredom. Radcircles awakens with a start. Radcircles: "You're back! Good. I have–" closes the video chat. Lee: "...yeah. What a night. Barrage has to be the one that knew about the hypnotism. But it was in the paper. So Radcircles could still be anyone! Ugh! Maybe it'll make sense once Biffy cracks the phone." uses his computer to try and call Biffy only to learn that Biffy has no signal. "Man. Where is he?" ---- is still stuck on the Ferris wheel with Kimmie and Holger. Holger: chanting "Don't die! Don't die! Don't die!" Biffy: growling "Rrrrrgh."